Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
