the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
