Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
