If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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