I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
