Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize