I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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