Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Life is so much better after having sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
