My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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