What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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