Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
