Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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