he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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