my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
