life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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