It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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