can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
