Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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