i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
