Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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