I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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