He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
