1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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