She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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