somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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