That's when you crack a 10am beer
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
