I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
