small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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