My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
