in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Holy shit dude........stairs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
