If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
