drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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