I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
