I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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