I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
