dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
