Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
