Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
