well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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