I think my fart just growled at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize