i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
