I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
