I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
