I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
