dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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