i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
