Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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