do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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