I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize