Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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