Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
