I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
