so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How's work?
Spinning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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