If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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