Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
