Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
