3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
