I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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