I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've blown a few things in my day
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
