that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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