You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
