I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
