omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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