My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
